What I Learned Today
Today is two weeks since our Lolly Pop Kid went to heaven. I will be honest, it still hurts just as bad as it did that day. I do not believe it will ever feel any better.
I got up this morning and got dressed for work, made my lunch and then sat down on the couch to wait for the time to leave. The news was on TV with coverage of the upcoming services for Michael Jackson. I have to admit that when I learned of his death two days after Lolly left us I felt disgusted, angry and frustrated. Why? Well the media hype for one. The other thing was watching all those people with their flowers, balloons and messages for someone they really did not know. I felt hurt and envy because we really lost someone we knew. It felt unfair.
As I sat on the couch I soon realized that I would not be able to go to work today. My thoughts were only on Lolly, my daughter and family...all of our family. I just knew that I needed to be with myself today. So, I tried to resist watching the coverage fearing it would just be a giant spectacle and would only make me feel worse...but, I am inherently nosy so I kept watching.
Now I do not know if MJ was a good or bad person. I can only conclude that only God knows what is truly in someone's heart, but whatever the case I am sure any question about that has been rectified by now. That being said, as I watched the service and listened to the music and speakers one thing came across to me. Lolly's service and MJ's service had one common thread. They were about love. Pure, simple love. I realized that just like our family, MJ's family's hearts are also broken. They are feeling this horrible pain right now and like us, always will. So, I guess there was a few reasons I could not go to work today.
I got up this morning and got dressed for work, made my lunch and then sat down on the couch to wait for the time to leave. The news was on TV with coverage of the upcoming services for Michael Jackson. I have to admit that when I learned of his death two days after Lolly left us I felt disgusted, angry and frustrated. Why? Well the media hype for one. The other thing was watching all those people with their flowers, balloons and messages for someone they really did not know. I felt hurt and envy because we really lost someone we knew. It felt unfair.
As I sat on the couch I soon realized that I would not be able to go to work today. My thoughts were only on Lolly, my daughter and family...all of our family. I just knew that I needed to be with myself today. So, I tried to resist watching the coverage fearing it would just be a giant spectacle and would only make me feel worse...but, I am inherently nosy so I kept watching.
Now I do not know if MJ was a good or bad person. I can only conclude that only God knows what is truly in someone's heart, but whatever the case I am sure any question about that has been rectified by now. That being said, as I watched the service and listened to the music and speakers one thing came across to me. Lolly's service and MJ's service had one common thread. They were about love. Pure, simple love. I realized that just like our family, MJ's family's hearts are also broken. They are feeling this horrible pain right now and like us, always will. So, I guess there was a few reasons I could not go to work today.
I needed to be reminded of compassion.
I needed to be reminded not to envy.
I needed to be reminded to look to love and not anger.
I needed to remember to trust in God.
Maybe Lolly is learning how to MoonWalk in Heaven.
Maybe MJ is learning what it is like to be a simple, carefree child.
Labels: grandchild, heaven, Lolly Pop Kid, love, Michael Jackson
posted by juliannah at
12:48 PM
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