A Mother's Silent Scream: Coping with Impending Deployment

This is my newest post to appear on Parent's Zone

My son, LCpl Honda is set to deploy to the Sandbox later this year. It is still a few months off so I decided I just cannot freak out and go out of my mind with worry just yet. Nevertheless, I have to admit that each day that comes to pass, I feel a scream welling up inside of me. I know that this is probably normal and I know that I am not alone in feeling this way.

When my nephew, Cpl Red went on his first deployment I watched my sister, Crafty go through this process. I was with her when she had to say goodbye as his unit left. That experience is forever stamped in my memory. I watched other parents, wives, girlfriends and children say goodbye to their loved ones. I saw the look on their faces. I came home and told my mom, "I don't want to ever have to do this again." However, in my heart I know I would.

I remember when I was very young and Vietnam ended. I naively thought that there would not really be any more wars. Why? I guess because I was young and not very informed about the way of the world. I never ever thought that a child of mine might have to go off to combat. I think after 911 that changed. With my daughter, Cinderella, active duty army at the time, for the first time ever, I felt the fear that I feel now.

I have only told family about LCpl Honda's deployment. I cannot bear to divulge this information to other friends and co-workers just yet. LCpl Honda worked at the same place I worked before going off to boot camp. So everyone there likes him and knows him well. I just cannot bear the sympatric looks that I know will come. Please do not get me wrong. I know people mean well, but non-military families just do not have the understanding. It is not their fault. They are just not in the situation.

I have also found that I purposely do not do things like watch war movies. My husband wanted to watch 'Saving Private Ryan' this past weekend. I could not do it. HBO is replaying 'Taking Chance' at the end of the month. It is about a fallen Marine being escorted home. I plan to record it, but I do not think I will watch it until this deployment is over and my son and nephew are home safe.

I am not sure how well I will cope in the days ahead, but I will at least try to "soldier on" and if anybody asks, I will just reply with, "Good to go."