I Can Hear God Knockin'

People keep asking me, "How are you doing?" I have a standard answer, "I'm ok." Period. That's it.

I just don't think they would understand if I blurted out, "I want to pull every hair out of my head!" or "I want to scream until no sound comes out." or my personal favorite "I want to throw a brick through a window." Which BTW is what I tell Cinderella to do, frequently.

I am not complaining, just getting through each day. The pain is still real and still there for everyone. My pain has so many different aspects everyday. Over the last few days I have been receiving a message from several different sources. What is the message? I will let you decide for yourself.

Written on July 23rd, one month after Lolly Pop Kid became an Angel. Read by me on July 24th. Posted on a MarineMom mailing list by a woman who just found out she has cancerous tumor.

Yesterday my son called me to see how my oncology visit went. As I was sharing with him that (this is true) my doctor is a CAN-CER-VIVOR too, and because of his illness he is death in one ear, and can barely hear. He wears a ponytail, and because he is death I could hardly understand a word he was saying... I was sharing his dry sense of humor(after I finally understood what he was saying) and how I never laughed so hard in my life as he drew pictures of "Arnie" and had me put my hand on my belly to be personally introduced to him. (SMile) And, I believed I named him correctly, because Arnie must have taken steroids to be so big. I must admit... I'm proud of his perservance to even think he can remotely knock me down. (SMile)

As I was sharing this with Glenn he asked me if I was okay. When I said with a SMile, "Glenn, I'm fine. I'm not worried at all!" He said, "OKay!" I then asked, "Do you believe me?" He then replied, "NO. Not at all, but I love you that much for trying to keep me from worrying." I said, "Is it working?" He said, "NO!" I then said, "Good, because now you know what you put me through when you went to Iraq and I would ask you what you were doing and you would tell me not to worry!"

Speechless he was!

Children need to always know that as mothers of those who serve, when they feed us the bull, the bull will come back and bite them everytime.

When I hung up the phone I SMiled. I believe I was able to teach Glenn a lesson in life he will never forget, but on the other hand I did mean it when I told him not to worry.(SMile)

That is the message I want to share with you today. Please don't spend the day worrying about your children. It's within the adversitities of their lives where they get to experience something wonderful and challenging, and when they get through it they are more than they ever thought they could be.

Many of you have written me about the challenges in life that you too are facing, and I want you to know that each and everyone of us are:

CAN-CER-VIVORS!

We each wake up and have to survive something. Doesn't have to be an illness. So, whatever it is you are going though today just know that I believe in you, and you CAN-CER-VIVE this!

And... if you need to chat, please e-mail me. I'm back to work today, and being that I'm my own boss, I promise I'll take a moment out of my day to remind you that there's nothing you can't do!

Onward by faith...

Grandma G!

Just a note: We have sinced learned the tumor is not cancerous and I now have a new friend!

 

A post from a mother whose 10-year-old daughter, Sydney is suffering from a terminal brain tumor on Monday, July 27, 2009

 

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." (Romans 8:18)

 I was first given this verse shortly after my car accident in 1993. I had been driving and my best friend was killed. As you can imagine, it was a very difficult time in my life...and this verse brought much comfort.

At that time, it helped me to understand that although my heart was suffering...I would someday be glorified because if it.

But over the years, as I read more verses of that chapter in Romans, it shed even more light on the subject of suffering...and I'd like to share it with you now. Let's look the verse again...along with verses 19-21:

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God."

Romans was written by Paul...who was no stranger to suffering. He often mentioned his sufferings, although not specifically identifying just what was the "thorn in his flesh" that he discusses in 2 Cor. 12. But this "thorn" was not taken away when he pleaded...as God had a greater plan for Paul..and that suffering was needed in order to conform Paul into His image.

Firstly, suffering is suffering...whether it be suffering for Christ's sake...or from your own infirmaties, or struggles of life. In my humble opinion, any form of suffering can be for Christ's sake, if we allow it to do it's intended purpose in our life.

Now that we have that established, let's dive into it a bit. Now, I am no scholar, but have studied a little and this is what I have found regarding this passage of scripture.

In verse 18, Paul says, "..our present sufferings"...the ancient Greek work used in this verse for "present" is "kairos" which means a specific period or season of time. It's different than "chronos" which means a undetermined space of time. So what Paul is saying is...this suffering will last only for a while...there will be an end...it will not go on forever.

He also speaks of a glory that will be revealed in those who suffer who are children of God. In the latter verses, he's talking about creation...that's US. It says the "creation was subjected to frustration...not by it's own choice, but by the will of the One (God) who subjected it..."

Simply put...God allowed it to happen. He looked at His creation (us) and decided to subject it to "frustration" or sufferings. Why!?!?! Why would this loving God look upon those He created and want them to suffer? It wasn't even suffering because of wrong choices on the part of creation...it was simply His will that this be allowed in their lives!!! WHY!?!

Here's why: "in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God."

Creation has to be purged of it's sin...creation has to go through the fire...has to be free of the bondages and impurities of sin, in order to be made into His image...and can then receive His glorious freedom...basically, the creation (us) will be rewarded in heaven for our brief sufferings here on earth!

Also, in my own thinking, when we (the creation) gives GOD glory through our weakness...through our suffering...it draws others to the Creator. Others see in us what they are so desperately in need of...a peace in all circumstances.

Here are Pauls own words about the thorn in his flesh...and how God is glorified in it:

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor 12:7-10)

How many times have we asked God to heal Sydney? Countless times!!! I mean my own prayers are countless...now add in all of yours...and the others around the world...well, that's a lot of prayers.

How many times has God healed her as of yet? None that I am aware of. Oh, He's helped her improve or feel better and such...but not a complete healing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining...although there are times I do. There are times that I get so tired of this process, and I just beg for a healing....just want to scream!

What was God's answer to Paul? He said, "My grace is sufficient for you...". That has been God's answer to me, as well. I'm not saying that He's not going to heal Sydney. I'm simply saying that I just don't know what He's going to do...and the waiting really gets quite wearing.

But if I look at Paul's words, I can rejoice. For one, in the passage in Romans, it says that our suffering will end...it is only for a time...and that God has allowed it to mold us into His image...to prepare us for the glory in heaven that awaits us!

Then, in 2 Corinthians, he shows us that although we don't have the answer we want...although we may get weary, we should really be rejoicing in that suffering, because God's grace gives us the strength to endure it...and through our weakness, God's strength can be seen around the world!

I'm sorry if this was to lengthy today...but it is my heart. I was going to have a rough day today...I could tell when I woke up that my heart was heavy, with a little dose of "feeling sorry for myself". But then, remembered this study I had done...and felt the need to share it with you all.

Upon reading it, I was reminded to be joyful in all things...even when I don't feel like it...even with life doesn't seem fair...even when God doesn't answer my prayer in the way or time frame I wish...REJOICE...for there is a purpose! I am being prepared for His glory to be revealed in me...and while I await that revelation...His grace is more than enough to see me through!

God Bless ~ IVESTRONG

 

 

Thurday July 30th Posted on a website for grieving parents and grandparents

 

 Together We Walk the Stepping Stones

Come, take my hand, the road is long.
We must travel by stepping stones.
No, you're not alone. I've been there.
Don't fear the darkness. I'll be with you.

We must take one step at a time.
But remember, we may have to stop awhile.
It's a long way to the other side
And there are many obstacles.

We have many stones to cross.
Some are bigger than others.
Shock, denial, and anger to start.
Then comes guilt, despair, and loneliness.

It's a hard road to travel, but it must be done.
It's the only way to reach the other side.

Come, slip your hand in mind.
What? Oh, yes, it's strong.
I've held so many hands like yours.
Yes, mine was once small and weak like yours.

Once, you see, I had to take someone's hand
In order to take the first step.
Oops! You've stumbled. Go ahead and cry.
Don't be ashamed. I understand.

Let's wait here awhile so that you can get your breath.
When you're stronger, we'll go on, one step at a time.
There's no need to hurry.

Say, it's nice to hear you laugh.
Yes, I agree, the memories you shared are good.
Look, we're halfway there now.

I can see the other side.
It looks so warm and sunny.
On, have you noticed? We're nearing the last stone
And you're standing alone.
And look, your hand, you've let go of mine.
We've reached the other side.

But wait, look back, someone is standing there.
They are alone and want to cross the stepping stones.
I'd better go. They need my help.
What? Are you sure?
Why, yes, go ahead. I'll wait.

You know the way.
You've been there.
Yes, I agree. It's your turn, my friend . . .
To help someone else cross the stepping stones.

So today I received an email from my mom, Grandma M. What would we do without our mommies.

It's in the Valleys I Grow

 

Dear Lord,

Please continue to watch over our family and bless us each everyday. Please take good care of Lolly because we will be coming after him.

And that's all I have to say about that.


 

 

  

I Thought of You Today.

 I thought of you today, but that is nothing new
I thought of you yesterday and days before that too.

I think of you in silence, I often speak your name,
All I have are memories and your picture in a frame.

Your memory is my keepsake, with which I'll never part
God has you in his keeping, I have you in my heart.

Military Monday - Pride in Our Country

I did not write these, I actually received these in an email from Grandma M. These are some good examples of having pride in our country.

JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when DeGaule decided to pull out of NATO. DeGaule said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible. Rusk responded "does that include those who are buried here?

DeGaule did not respond.

You could have heard a pin drop

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When in England , at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of empire building by George Bush.

He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?'

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, 'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."

The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France !"

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, ''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."

You could have heard a pin drop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you are proud to be an American, pass this on!

I am proud to be of this land, AMERICA

Many Veterans Exposed to Asbestos and living with possible Ailments

The twentieth century brought us the start and end to many wars for Americans, all of which were fought mainly overseas. In that time many soldiers were killed or brought back injuries through their sacrifice. Much of the military returned healthy. But this does not mean there are not a variety of issues if you dig a little deeper. One often overlooked issue is mesothelioma cancer, which results from asbestos exposure.

Roughly 30-40 percent of all reported mesothelioma patients in the United States are former members of the military.  Asbestos is an excellent fire retardant that in many ways protected veterans throughout the years. In addition to being dangerous if the fibers are ‘lose’ and breathed in, it is fairly cheap and effective. This fiber was used in every branch of the military up until the late 1970’s and was specifically valuable to the Navy, which used it in engine and boiler rooms and other areas below the deck for safety reasons.  It was used in the tools they used and the rooms where they slept.

In particular, veterans who served from the 1930s and 1970s have the greatest risk of getting mesothelioma, with the disease not settling in sometimes up to 50 years after asbestos exposure.

Pursuing compensation for mesothelioma and other breathing ailments that can result is not easy. VA Claims sometimes can help but you must prove that you were only exposed while in the military. The military does not list mesothelioma as a service-related disease. Some think that the Obama Administration will push through policies to make the VA Claim process easier. Another avenue to take is to sue the manufacturer of the product (not Uncle Sam) but litigation is typically tough because diagnosis often occurs many years after exposure.

It is safe to say that asbestos is one of the worst corporate catastrophe’s of the 20^th century because manufacturers knew about the dangers since the 1920s and the mesothelioma survival rate equating to almost certain death within a short time (varies but typically within a couple years). The full breakdown of mesothelioma facts is interesting, to say the least. Most Americans think that asbestos is an old issue but veterans are still reporting cases at a frequent pace, reminding us of era that brought many wars and poor industrial standards.

Light a Candle

Four weeks ago today we lost our Lolly Pop Kid.

On Thurday July 23rd it will be exactly a month.

This is a very tough week.

Please join me in lighting a candle for Lolly. Click the link below to view my candle and light one of your own.

Light a Candle

Military Monday - MarineParents need your vote

Marineparents.com is a wonderful message board started by a Marine mom in 2003 when her son was deployed to Iraq. She wanted more information and the board was born. Now over thousands of parents as well as other family members connect daily with each other. Parents can offer each other support, guidance and love. Everyday new families join with many starting on the recruit board when their son or daughter goes to boot camp. I found this board to be extremely helpful and sometimes I knew what my son was doing at bootcamp before he had a chance to either write me or phone me.
Marineparents would greatly benefit from the $3,000 that will be donated to one charity from Squidoo a forum for writers to build lenses similar to blogs. There is no need to registar to vote.
Here is the link to vote. Here is a link to the Marineparents lens.

Please take the time to help Marineparents win! Hurry voting is today and tomorrow only!

 

No Ma'am, Yes Ma'am

This is just a thought but when Barbara Boxer was speaking with Black Chamber of Commerce, President and CEO Harry Alford she must have forgot to have him call her Senator as he was answering her with, "Yes Ma'am or No Ma'am."



BTW he also ripped her a new a**. Yes Ma'am!

Today we sent our hearts to Heaven.

Two years ago today Lolly Pop Kid was born.  Today we celebrated his birthday without him.

Two years ago today our lives were a little fuller.   Today they are a lot emptier.

Two years ago today I became a grandma for the second time.  Today I feel stripped of that honor.

Two years ago today four people became a family.  Today that family is forever changed.

Two years ago today I touched vibrant red hair.  Twelve days ago I touched it for the last time.

One year ago today I watched Lolly eat a Lolly Pop. Today I watched Lolly's balloons go to heaven.

One year ago today I watched Lolly open gifts. Today we watched Lolly receive gifts in the sky.

Twenty years ago I watched two children play. Today I watched two adults, one consoling, one grieving.

Twenty years ago I sat with a friend and watched those children. Today I sat with a friend and watched those children.

For two years I watched two people love their son.  Today I watched two people love their son.

Two years ago today we celebrated a life.  Today we celebrated a life.

Today we sent our hearts to heaven.

What I Learned Today

Today is two weeks since our Lolly Pop Kid went to heaven. I will be honest, it still hurts just as bad as it did that day. I do not believe it will ever feel any better.

I got up this morning and got dressed for work, made my lunch and then sat down on the couch to wait for the time to leave. The news was on TV with coverage of the upcoming services for Michael Jackson. I have to admit that when I learned of his death two days after Lolly left us I felt disgusted, angry and frustrated. Why? Well the media hype for one. The other thing was watching all those people with their flowers, balloons and messages for someone they really did not know. I felt hurt and envy because we really lost someone we knew. It felt unfair.

As I sat on the couch I soon realized that I would not be able to go to work today. My thoughts were  only on Lolly, my daughter and family...all of our family. I just knew that I needed to be with myself today. So, I tried to resist watching the coverage fearing it would just be a giant spectacle and would only make me feel worse...but, I am inherently nosy so I kept watching.

Now I do not know if MJ was a good or bad person. I can only conclude that only God knows what is truly in someone's heart, but whatever the case I am sure any question about that has been rectified by now. That being said, as I watched the service and listened to the music and speakers one thing came across to me. Lolly's service and MJ's service had one common thread. They were about love. Pure, simple love. I realized that just like our family, MJ's family's hearts are also broken. They are feeling this horrible pain right now and like us, always will. So, I guess there was a few reasons I could not go to work today.

I needed to be reminded of compassion.

I needed to be reminded not to envy.

I needed to be reminded to look to love and not anger.

I needed to remember to trust in God.

Maybe Lolly is learning how to MoonWalk in Heaven.

Maybe MJ is learning what it is like to be a simple, carefree child.