The Booklet

I received a booklet in the mail the other day. It was from Miss Foundation an advocacy group that not only works to educate people on stillborn, infant and childhood death, they also provide a place for bereaved parents and grandparents to come together, share and get help with the grieving process.

I contacted the group not long after Lolly Pop Kid went to heaven in an attempt to cope with my own grief and to try to help Cinderella in any way I could. At the time, they sent me a packet filled with information about the subject. The booklet had lots of information and it listed so many names of Angel children. I never realized how many children die each year and how many other people were out there with the same feelings I had.

A couple days ago another issue of the booklet arrived in the mail. I did not pick it up and look at it until yesterday. As I was looking through it, I came upon a section titled recent losses. There I saw it. Lolly’s name printed with several other children. I have to admit it was like a stab in the gut. Not that I think I am over this, because I never will be, but I have managed to find a new “normal” way of living. I know that I still think about him everyday. I just do not feel sucker-punched as much as in the beginning.

I also read that October 15 was National Infant and Child Death Awareness and Prevention Day. I was unaware of this. I wish I would have know because I would have worked to get the word out to help other parents and family members that find themselves in this sad group.

We cannot bring Lolly back but at least we know there is help out there and it is comforting to know that our Lolly is not forgotten. Certainly not by us and not by people who did not even know him.

Love you and miss you big boy!

 

Sunday Brunch

Yesterday, family and friends came together and we planted Lolly's tree. The week before, I prayed for cooler weather and that prayer was answered. I was a little worried a major storm might interrupted the planting but that did not happen. The tree was a little bigger than I expected. I have a VW bug. The tree is about 5 feet tall and it actually fit in my car. I fell in love with it the moment I saw it. LCpl Honda dug the hole in the yard. Everyone arrived and we feasted on sub sandwiches and potato salad. Grandma M brought a carrot cake. Lolly loved baby carrots. Everyone took turns shoveling dirt into the hole. Then Butterfly and my friend's daughter, Big Brown Eyes helped Lolly's dad Tango make a well around the tree. Finally, we made a circle around Lolly's tree and said a prayer and asked God to bless the tree.

It was a wonderful day.

After the planting, I gave everyone a picture of Lolly's name in the sand.

I am posting our group picture, although we took many pictures that day. The rest I have chosen to keep private. I am also posting a picture of my dad, Grandpa DingDon, one of Lolly's namesakes. No recipe today. Yesterday was simple, kind of like a picnic. Everyone knows how to make a picnic. Yes?

We love you sweet boy. Donovan. Our Lolly Pop Kid.

I had to add this drawing, done by Butterfly, Lolly's sissy.

ps. The drawing was lying on my kitchen table today and my cat decided to walk on it. The blue background was done with pastel chalk. I just spent a whole bunch of time in my bathroom trying to wash the blue color off of my cat's feet. Fun.

Yea, I think that is all I have to say about that...

Looking Forward to Saturday

This Saturday we will plant a tree for our Lolly Pop Kid. Our family and Tango's family will gather at our home and together we will plant an orange tree for Lolly.

I prayed to God that the weather would be a little cooler since the temperature has been around 106 degrees. I mean I really prayed. I just want everyone to be comfortable.  However, I did not ask for a hurricane. We do not get full-force hurricanes where we live but we do get some nasty storms from them. So I am hoping the weather will be nice and not drench us with rain all day on Saturday.

I am happy about receiving this photo. There is a woman in Australia writes the names of Angel children in the sand on a beach. She then photos them at sunset and uploads them to her blog. The pictures are absolutely beautiful. I cried when I say Lolly's photo. There appears to be a red halo over the sun. As I have said before, Lolly had wonderful flaming red hair. So everyone attending the tree planting will receive one of these photos. I think it will be a lovely addition.

Angel Tuesday

Today’s Angel is Brianna Sharp. Brianna was a lively 7^th grader when last fall she was diagnosed with diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma, a highly aggressive brain tumor. She went to heaven surrounded by her family on July 25, 2009.

Brianna loved running cross-country at school. She also played the flute in her school band and liked art.

Her father Matt said she had a contagious smile and laugh. She would laugh at his jokes even when they were not that funny.

Brianna kept a daily blog where she has chronicled her battle with cancer. She also describes her life with family and friends.

Brianna’s faith grew during her illness. She wore a cross, carried a rosary and said the Hail Mary. Many family and friends attended her 13th birthday party this past spring.

Brianna is loved and missed by her family, friends and all who knew her. Please say a prayer for Brianna and her family.

 

 

Please continue to pray for Lolly Pop Kid and our families. We now have answers as to why Lolly went to Heaven. I will not post that here. The information does not make me feel better. It just breaks my heart more and gives my brain more stuff to think about.

Today is also the start of Childhood Cancer Awarness Month.  This is near and dear to my heart because Butterfly once battled Leukemia and won! Please take a moment to think about the littlist warriors today and through the month.

Wordless Wednesday - Clouds

rainbow cloud

glowing cloud

 

hole in the red sky cloud

angel cloud

all of these clouds appeared on a different Angelversaries of our Lolly Pop Kid.

Angel Tuesday

Angel Tuesday profiles Asa Imad Mayle who became and angel on January 4, 2007. He was 6 years old and in the first grade. Asa was hit by a school bus as he was crossing the street.

I learned of Asa through Virtual Memorials. Lolly Pop Kid's online memorial is at this site also. Please feel free to visit.

Asa was an inquisitive little boy with a big kool-aid smile and big brown eyes. He liked his clothes nice and neat and he especially loved his belt.

Asa absolutely loved everything Batman. He had Batman sheets and would tie them around his neck and make a cape. His mommie could not resit buying Asa Batman stuff.

He once asked his mommie, "If Batman can't fly why does he have a cape?" Good question.

Asa even at his young age would talk about growing up, getting married and going to college. He wanted to go to Ohio State. He also new what kind of car he would like to own. Asa wanted a PT Cruiser. Spotting PT Cruisers became a game for Asa. He would shout "PT Cruiser I saw it you missed it!!"

Asa is loved and missed by his family and always will be. Please take a moment to visit his beautiful memorial made in loving memory of Asa by his mommie.

Sunday Brunch

We enjoyed a weekend with Cinderella, Tango & Butterfly. They came down to to visit and see Fuzzy & Wuzzy our new twins. The twins are doing well, but always seem to be sleeping when we visit.

Cinderella gifted Hippie Guy & Flower Child with a digital camera so they can provide us with lots of pictures of Fuzzy & Wuzzy. I have a few more to post and will do that at the end of this post.

I like my new blackberry phone but it has quite a learning curve. It is like a mini computer. Any help would be appreciated.

Today's recipe is my most favorite potato salad. It doesn't really have a name so I will just call it Juliannah's Potato Salad.

Eight to Ten Red Potatoes

2 Hard Boiled Eggs

1 cup Mayonnaise

1/4 cup Rice Vinegar

1 Tbsp Sugar

1/4 cup Red Bell Pepper

1/2 tsp Onion Powder

1/2 tsp Salt

1/2 tsp Pepper

1/2 tsp Paprika

Boil the potatoes with the skins on until done. Boil the eggs until done. Cut up the potatoes and eggs. Cut the bell pepper into small pieces. Mix potatoes,eggs & peppers. Mix mayonnaise, vinegar, spices & sugar into potatoes, eggs & peppers. That is it. You can also substitute green bell pepper, pickle relish or anything else you may desire.



 

Here are another couple pics of the twins:

Fuzzy





Wuzzy

Today is also the  2nd month angelversary for Lolly Pop Kid. We all miss him so much. I had a knock at the door today and it was Mormon missionaries. They gave me a card with a illustration of Jesus and on the back of the card it said, "Faith in Christ can help you resolve personal and family challenges.

God Just keeps knocking on our door.

Lolly Pop Kid we love you and miss you. We want you back.

And that is all I have to say about that.

Angel Tuesday

Today’s Angel Tuesday child is Ethan who became an Angel on July 26, 2008. He went to heaven because of a horrible drowning accident.

Ethan, a beautiful 6 year old with a smile that exudes radiant energy and a huge open-mouth laugh that delighted everyone. All that knew Ethan commented on his smile.

Ethan loved creating ships with Legos and playing with Star Wars toys. He loved tossing a football and listening to his Veggie Tales CD.

 

 

 

 

On what would have been Ethan's 7th Birthday his family held a Global Star Wars party where many people from all over the world watched the movie Star Wars.

Ethan just plain loved Star Wars.

Ethan is and will always be very much loved and missed by his family. His mom Lisa keeps a blog where she has written so beautifully about Ethan, her family’s loss and how they manage the “new normal.” Lisa is also a wonderful photographer as there are many poignant photos of Ethan and her family.

 

 

Please visit Hey Jude. Please keep this family in your prayers.

Please also remember our Angel Lolly Pop Kid.

Angel Tuesday

I had a lot of trouble starting this post. I am not sure why. Maybe because I wish I did not have to. I did not realize how many children die each day. To be honest it was not something I wanted to think about. Nobody does.

Today is seven weeks since Lolly Pop Kid became an angel.  Today is another Angelversary.

So I will try and bring a new child each week either an angel or a child with an illness. Please pray for these children and their families. Visit their blogs or sites and if possible leave a message.

The pain does not go away and it does not get better. It helps when people reach out.

Here is Lolly's memorial site.

 

I wish I could open the door and pick you up and hug away the tears.

I wish you could open the door and pick me up and hug away the tears.

Sunday Brunch

I have not been posting too much lately. I guess that is because I just do not have the gumption (sp?) or the ideas to talk about. I am going to try and post everyday. I need to get back to posting because it helps me get through my life. I have already established Military Monday, Wordless Wednesday & Quote of the Week. I want to include Sunday Brunch which I think will be a little recap of my week and a recipe that maybe someone might like to try.

I decided to include Angel Tuesday. Lolly Pop Kid went to heaven on a Tuesday. I know that I will never live through a Tuesday without thinking about him leaving us. That is just the way it is. I think that I will profile a child that is going to heaven or a famly that has lost a child. I know what it is like to have a lived with one that is sick with a possible terminal illness. Please pray for Sydney

There are a lot of children out there that need prayers. There are a lot of parents' that lost their child. I just need to reach out.

So here is the recipe that I would like to share:

Chipolte Chicken with Flaming_Tequelia Pepper Salsa Avocado Ranch Dressing

 

Ingredients

4 tablespoons EVOO – Extra Virgin Olive Oil, divided 6 slices smoky bacon, chopped

• 2 1/2 pounds ground chicken breast


• 2 medium onions, chopped


• 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped or grated


• 2 to 3 tablespoons puréed chipotles in adobo


• 1 tablespoon ground cumin


• 1 tablespoon ground coriander


• 1 tablespoon smoked paprika


• 3 tablespoons tomato paste


• 1 quart chicken stock


• Salt and ground black pepper


• 1 yellow bell pepper, seeded and chopped


• 1 red bell pepper, seeded and chopped


• 1 orange bell pepper, seeded and chopped


• 2 jalapeños, seeded and finely chopped


• 1 medium red onion, chopped


• 3 to 4 shots tequila


• Juice of 1 lime


• 1/4 cup cilantro leaves, chopped


• 1 avocado, pitted


• 1 cup buttermilk


• Juice of 1 lemon


• 1/4 cup finely chopped chives

Crushed tortilla chips, for garnish

---

Preparation

Place a large, heavy-bottomed pot over medium-high heat with 2 turns of the pan of EVOO, about 2 tablespoons. Add the bacon to the pan and cook until golden brown, about 5 minutes. Add the chicken to the pot and continue cooking until golden brown, 5-6 minutes.

Add the onion and garlic to the pot and cook until the veggies are tender, 4-5 minutes. Add the puréed chipotles, cumin, coriander, paprika and tomato paste to the pot and cook until the spices are aromatic and beginning to caramelize, about 1 minute. Add the chicken stock, some salt and pepper to the pot and bring up to a bubble. Reduce the heat to medium and simmer until thickened, about 5 minutes.

While the chili is simmering, place a medium skillet over medium-high heat with 2 turns of the pan of EVOO, about 2 tablespoons. Add the peppers and red onion to the skillet and cook until the veggies are tender, 4-5 minutes. Remove the skillet from the heat and add in the tequila. Return the skillet to the heat and flame the tequila to burn off most of the alcohol. Add the lime juice, cilantro and some salt to the salsa. Reserve.

In the bowl of a food processor combine the avocado, buttermilk, lemon juice and chives. Process until smooth then season with salt and pepper.

Serve up the chili topped with some of the tequila-pepper salsa and avocado ranch. Garnish with some crushed tortilla chips.

---

All I can say is pray for us and we will pray for you. This recipe probaly seems over the top, but it is just the way I feel at this point.

I Can Hear God Knockin'

People keep asking me, "How are you doing?" I have a standard answer, "I'm ok." Period. That's it.

I just don't think they would understand if I blurted out, "I want to pull every hair out of my head!" or "I want to scream until no sound comes out." or my personal favorite "I want to throw a brick through a window." Which BTW is what I tell Cinderella to do, frequently.

I am not complaining, just getting through each day. The pain is still real and still there for everyone. My pain has so many different aspects everyday. Over the last few days I have been receiving a message from several different sources. What is the message? I will let you decide for yourself.

Written on July 23rd, one month after Lolly Pop Kid became an Angel. Read by me on July 24th. Posted on a MarineMom mailing list by a woman who just found out she has cancerous tumor.

Yesterday my son called me to see how my oncology visit went. As I was sharing with him that (this is true) my doctor is a CAN-CER-VIVOR too, and because of his illness he is death in one ear, and can barely hear. He wears a ponytail, and because he is death I could hardly understand a word he was saying... I was sharing his dry sense of humor(after I finally understood what he was saying) and how I never laughed so hard in my life as he drew pictures of "Arnie" and had me put my hand on my belly to be personally introduced to him. (SMile) And, I believed I named him correctly, because Arnie must have taken steroids to be so big. I must admit... I'm proud of his perservance to even think he can remotely knock me down. (SMile)

As I was sharing this with Glenn he asked me if I was okay. When I said with a SMile, "Glenn, I'm fine. I'm not worried at all!" He said, "OKay!" I then asked, "Do you believe me?" He then replied, "NO. Not at all, but I love you that much for trying to keep me from worrying." I said, "Is it working?" He said, "NO!" I then said, "Good, because now you know what you put me through when you went to Iraq and I would ask you what you were doing and you would tell me not to worry!"

Speechless he was!

Children need to always know that as mothers of those who serve, when they feed us the bull, the bull will come back and bite them everytime.

When I hung up the phone I SMiled. I believe I was able to teach Glenn a lesson in life he will never forget, but on the other hand I did mean it when I told him not to worry.(SMile)

That is the message I want to share with you today. Please don't spend the day worrying about your children. It's within the adversitities of their lives where they get to experience something wonderful and challenging, and when they get through it they are more than they ever thought they could be.

Many of you have written me about the challenges in life that you too are facing, and I want you to know that each and everyone of us are:

CAN-CER-VIVORS!

We each wake up and have to survive something. Doesn't have to be an illness. So, whatever it is you are going though today just know that I believe in you, and you CAN-CER-VIVE this!

And... if you need to chat, please e-mail me. I'm back to work today, and being that I'm my own boss, I promise I'll take a moment out of my day to remind you that there's nothing you can't do!

Onward by faith...

Grandma G!

Just a note: We have sinced learned the tumor is not cancerous and I now have a new friend!

 

A post from a mother whose 10-year-old daughter, Sydney is suffering from a terminal brain tumor on Monday, July 27, 2009

 

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." (Romans 8:18)

 I was first given this verse shortly after my car accident in 1993. I had been driving and my best friend was killed. As you can imagine, it was a very difficult time in my life...and this verse brought much comfort.

At that time, it helped me to understand that although my heart was suffering...I would someday be glorified because if it.

But over the years, as I read more verses of that chapter in Romans, it shed even more light on the subject of suffering...and I'd like to share it with you now. Let's look the verse again...along with verses 19-21:

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God."

Romans was written by Paul...who was no stranger to suffering. He often mentioned his sufferings, although not specifically identifying just what was the "thorn in his flesh" that he discusses in 2 Cor. 12. But this "thorn" was not taken away when he pleaded...as God had a greater plan for Paul..and that suffering was needed in order to conform Paul into His image.

Firstly, suffering is suffering...whether it be suffering for Christ's sake...or from your own infirmaties, or struggles of life. In my humble opinion, any form of suffering can be for Christ's sake, if we allow it to do it's intended purpose in our life.

Now that we have that established, let's dive into it a bit. Now, I am no scholar, but have studied a little and this is what I have found regarding this passage of scripture.

In verse 18, Paul says, "..our present sufferings"...the ancient Greek work used in this verse for "present" is "kairos" which means a specific period or season of time. It's different than "chronos" which means a undetermined space of time. So what Paul is saying is...this suffering will last only for a while...there will be an end...it will not go on forever.

He also speaks of a glory that will be revealed in those who suffer who are children of God. In the latter verses, he's talking about creation...that's US. It says the "creation was subjected to frustration...not by it's own choice, but by the will of the One (God) who subjected it..."

Simply put...God allowed it to happen. He looked at His creation (us) and decided to subject it to "frustration" or sufferings. Why!?!?! Why would this loving God look upon those He created and want them to suffer? It wasn't even suffering because of wrong choices on the part of creation...it was simply His will that this be allowed in their lives!!! WHY!?!

Here's why: "in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God."

Creation has to be purged of it's sin...creation has to go through the fire...has to be free of the bondages and impurities of sin, in order to be made into His image...and can then receive His glorious freedom...basically, the creation (us) will be rewarded in heaven for our brief sufferings here on earth!

Also, in my own thinking, when we (the creation) gives GOD glory through our weakness...through our suffering...it draws others to the Creator. Others see in us what they are so desperately in need of...a peace in all circumstances.

Here are Pauls own words about the thorn in his flesh...and how God is glorified in it:

"To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Cor 12:7-10)

How many times have we asked God to heal Sydney? Countless times!!! I mean my own prayers are countless...now add in all of yours...and the others around the world...well, that's a lot of prayers.

How many times has God healed her as of yet? None that I am aware of. Oh, He's helped her improve or feel better and such...but not a complete healing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining...although there are times I do. There are times that I get so tired of this process, and I just beg for a healing....just want to scream!

What was God's answer to Paul? He said, "My grace is sufficient for you...". That has been God's answer to me, as well. I'm not saying that He's not going to heal Sydney. I'm simply saying that I just don't know what He's going to do...and the waiting really gets quite wearing.

But if I look at Paul's words, I can rejoice. For one, in the passage in Romans, it says that our suffering will end...it is only for a time...and that God has allowed it to mold us into His image...to prepare us for the glory in heaven that awaits us!

Then, in 2 Corinthians, he shows us that although we don't have the answer we want...although we may get weary, we should really be rejoicing in that suffering, because God's grace gives us the strength to endure it...and through our weakness, God's strength can be seen around the world!

I'm sorry if this was to lengthy today...but it is my heart. I was going to have a rough day today...I could tell when I woke up that my heart was heavy, with a little dose of "feeling sorry for myself". But then, remembered this study I had done...and felt the need to share it with you all.

Upon reading it, I was reminded to be joyful in all things...even when I don't feel like it...even with life doesn't seem fair...even when God doesn't answer my prayer in the way or time frame I wish...REJOICE...for there is a purpose! I am being prepared for His glory to be revealed in me...and while I await that revelation...His grace is more than enough to see me through!

God Bless ~ IVESTRONG

 

 

Thurday July 30th Posted on a website for grieving parents and grandparents

 

 Together We Walk the Stepping Stones

Come, take my hand, the road is long.
We must travel by stepping stones.
No, you're not alone. I've been there.
Don't fear the darkness. I'll be with you.

We must take one step at a time.
But remember, we may have to stop awhile.
It's a long way to the other side
And there are many obstacles.

We have many stones to cross.
Some are bigger than others.
Shock, denial, and anger to start.
Then comes guilt, despair, and loneliness.

It's a hard road to travel, but it must be done.
It's the only way to reach the other side.

Come, slip your hand in mind.
What? Oh, yes, it's strong.
I've held so many hands like yours.
Yes, mine was once small and weak like yours.

Once, you see, I had to take someone's hand
In order to take the first step.
Oops! You've stumbled. Go ahead and cry.
Don't be ashamed. I understand.

Let's wait here awhile so that you can get your breath.
When you're stronger, we'll go on, one step at a time.
There's no need to hurry.

Say, it's nice to hear you laugh.
Yes, I agree, the memories you shared are good.
Look, we're halfway there now.

I can see the other side.
It looks so warm and sunny.
On, have you noticed? We're nearing the last stone
And you're standing alone.
And look, your hand, you've let go of mine.
We've reached the other side.

But wait, look back, someone is standing there.
They are alone and want to cross the stepping stones.
I'd better go. They need my help.
What? Are you sure?
Why, yes, go ahead. I'll wait.

You know the way.
You've been there.
Yes, I agree. It's your turn, my friend . . .
To help someone else cross the stepping stones.

So today I received an email from my mom, Grandma M. What would we do without our mommies.

It's in the Valleys I Grow

 

Dear Lord,

Please continue to watch over our family and bless us each everyday. Please take good care of Lolly because we will be coming after him.

And that's all I have to say about that.


 

 

  

I Thought of You Today.

 I thought of you today, but that is nothing new
I thought of you yesterday and days before that too.

I think of you in silence, I often speak your name,
All I have are memories and your picture in a frame.

Your memory is my keepsake, with which I'll never part
God has you in his keeping, I have you in my heart.

We Have an Angel

I am writing this post to tell all that I probably won't be blogging for awhile.

On Tuesday my grandson, Lolly Pop Kid went to heaven. It was very sudden and unexpected. Our hearts are broken. We miss him so much. If you wish please say a prayer for his mommie, Cinderalla, his daddy, Tango and his sister Butterfly.

And that's all I have to say about that...

Rest in Peace our sweet Angel