The Booklet

I received a booklet in the mail the other day. It was from Miss Foundation an advocacy group that not only works to educate people on stillborn, infant and childhood death, they also provide a place for bereaved parents and grandparents to come together, share and get help with the grieving process.

I contacted the group not long after Lolly Pop Kid went to heaven in an attempt to cope with my own grief and to try to help Cinderella in any way I could. At the time, they sent me a packet filled with information about the subject. The booklet had lots of information and it listed so many names of Angel children. I never realized how many children die each year and how many other people were out there with the same feelings I had.

A couple days ago another issue of the booklet arrived in the mail. I did not pick it up and look at it until yesterday. As I was looking through it, I came upon a section titled recent losses. There I saw it. Lolly’s name printed with several other children. I have to admit it was like a stab in the gut. Not that I think I am over this, because I never will be, but I have managed to find a new “normal” way of living. I know that I still think about him everyday. I just do not feel sucker-punched as much as in the beginning.

I also read that October 15 was National Infant and Child Death Awareness and Prevention Day. I was unaware of this. I wish I would have know because I would have worked to get the word out to help other parents and family members that find themselves in this sad group.

We cannot bring Lolly back but at least we know there is help out there and it is comforting to know that our Lolly is not forgotten. Certainly not by us and not by people who did not even know him.

Love you and miss you big boy!

 

Angel Tuesday

Today's Angel is Nicholas Aiden Laplante. Nicholas became an Angel on October 8th, 2008 fighting a battle with a brain tumor. He was fourteen months old.

Nicholas was sweet baby boy with a popeye smile and beautiful eyes. During his short time on earth he learned to say what, mom, dad, sis, quack, and no. He loved to ride his four-wheeler ride toy.

Nicholas is loved and missed by his mommy, Daddy and sister. Please add this family to your prayers and stop by their memorial for Nicholas.

Sunday Brunch

Yesterday, family and friends came together and we planted Lolly's tree. The week before, I prayed for cooler weather and that prayer was answered. I was a little worried a major storm might interrupted the planting but that did not happen. The tree was a little bigger than I expected. I have a VW bug. The tree is about 5 feet tall and it actually fit in my car. I fell in love with it the moment I saw it. LCpl Honda dug the hole in the yard. Everyone arrived and we feasted on sub sandwiches and potato salad. Grandma M brought a carrot cake. Lolly loved baby carrots. Everyone took turns shoveling dirt into the hole. Then Butterfly and my friend's daughter, Big Brown Eyes helped Lolly's dad Tango make a well around the tree. Finally, we made a circle around Lolly's tree and said a prayer and asked God to bless the tree.

It was a wonderful day.

After the planting, I gave everyone a picture of Lolly's name in the sand.

I am posting our group picture, although we took many pictures that day. The rest I have chosen to keep private. I am also posting a picture of my dad, Grandpa DingDon, one of Lolly's namesakes. No recipe today. Yesterday was simple, kind of like a picnic. Everyone knows how to make a picnic. Yes?

We love you sweet boy. Donovan. Our Lolly Pop Kid.

I had to add this drawing, done by Butterfly, Lolly's sissy.

ps. The drawing was lying on my kitchen table today and my cat decided to walk on it. The blue background was done with pastel chalk. I just spent a whole bunch of time in my bathroom trying to wash the blue color off of my cat's feet. Fun.

Yea, I think that is all I have to say about that...

I am not ok either

My daughter Cinderella wrote this awhile back because she can hardly bear people asking her if she is ok.

Are you okay?

 A piece of my heart is gone forever, I am not okay.

I may smile, laugh and make jokes, but I am not okay.

The pain in my heart hurts so badly and I am not okay.

It is hard for me to get out of bed everyday, I am not okay.

I am able to function everyday, but I am not okay.

Sometimes I want to end it all and I am not okay.

How can I go through life without him, I am not okay.

I am not the same person I once was, I am not okay.

Some people say I am strong, but that does not mean that I am okay.

I am really weak inside and I am not okay.

I want him back so badly and I am not okay.

I pray to the Lord to give me strength, but I am not okay.

 

Please stop asking if I am okay.

I am not ok either.

I can not fix anything.

I would if I could.

I can not change anybody.

People do as they choose.

I still want to scream some days.

And I do.

I wish I could go back in time.

But I can not.

I wish for my family to heal.

But I know they never will.

I still have tears everyday.

I am afraid of the day I don't.

I can not change anything.

No, I am not ok either.

Looking Forward to Saturday

This Saturday we will plant a tree for our Lolly Pop Kid. Our family and Tango's family will gather at our home and together we will plant an orange tree for Lolly.

I prayed to God that the weather would be a little cooler since the temperature has been around 106 degrees. I mean I really prayed. I just want everyone to be comfortable.  However, I did not ask for a hurricane. We do not get full-force hurricanes where we live but we do get some nasty storms from them. So I am hoping the weather will be nice and not drench us with rain all day on Saturday.

I am happy about receiving this photo. There is a woman in Australia writes the names of Angel children in the sand on a beach. She then photos them at sunset and uploads them to her blog. The pictures are absolutely beautiful. I cried when I say Lolly's photo. There appears to be a red halo over the sun. As I have said before, Lolly had wonderful flaming red hair. So everyone attending the tree planting will receive one of these photos. I think it will be a lovely addition.

Angel Tuesday

Today’s Angel is Brianna Sharp. Brianna was a lively 7^th grader when last fall she was diagnosed with diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma, a highly aggressive brain tumor. She went to heaven surrounded by her family on July 25, 2009.

Brianna loved running cross-country at school. She also played the flute in her school band and liked art.

Her father Matt said she had a contagious smile and laugh. She would laugh at his jokes even when they were not that funny.

Brianna kept a daily blog where she has chronicled her battle with cancer. She also describes her life with family and friends.

Brianna’s faith grew during her illness. She wore a cross, carried a rosary and said the Hail Mary. Many family and friends attended her 13th birthday party this past spring.

Brianna is loved and missed by her family, friends and all who knew her. Please say a prayer for Brianna and her family.

 

 

Please continue to pray for Lolly Pop Kid and our families. We now have answers as to why Lolly went to Heaven. I will not post that here. The information does not make me feel better. It just breaks my heart more and gives my brain more stuff to think about.

Today is also the start of Childhood Cancer Awarness Month.  This is near and dear to my heart because Butterfly once battled Leukemia and won! Please take a moment to think about the littlist warriors today and through the month.

Wordless Wednesday - Clouds

rainbow cloud

glowing cloud

 

hole in the red sky cloud

angel cloud

all of these clouds appeared on a different Angelversaries of our Lolly Pop Kid.

Angel Tuesday

Angel Tuesday profiles Asa Imad Mayle who became and angel on January 4, 2007. He was 6 years old and in the first grade. Asa was hit by a school bus as he was crossing the street.

I learned of Asa through Virtual Memorials. Lolly Pop Kid's online memorial is at this site also. Please feel free to visit.

Asa was an inquisitive little boy with a big kool-aid smile and big brown eyes. He liked his clothes nice and neat and he especially loved his belt.

Asa absolutely loved everything Batman. He had Batman sheets and would tie them around his neck and make a cape. His mommie could not resit buying Asa Batman stuff.

He once asked his mommie, "If Batman can't fly why does he have a cape?" Good question.

Asa even at his young age would talk about growing up, getting married and going to college. He wanted to go to Ohio State. He also new what kind of car he would like to own. Asa wanted a PT Cruiser. Spotting PT Cruisers became a game for Asa. He would shout "PT Cruiser I saw it you missed it!!"

Asa is loved and missed by his family and always will be. Please take a moment to visit his beautiful memorial made in loving memory of Asa by his mommie.

Sunday Brunch

We enjoyed a weekend with Cinderella, Tango & Butterfly. They came down to to visit and see Fuzzy & Wuzzy our new twins. The twins are doing well, but always seem to be sleeping when we visit.

Cinderella gifted Hippie Guy & Flower Child with a digital camera so they can provide us with lots of pictures of Fuzzy & Wuzzy. I have a few more to post and will do that at the end of this post.

I like my new blackberry phone but it has quite a learning curve. It is like a mini computer. Any help would be appreciated.

Today's recipe is my most favorite potato salad. It doesn't really have a name so I will just call it Juliannah's Potato Salad.

Eight to Ten Red Potatoes

2 Hard Boiled Eggs

1 cup Mayonnaise

1/4 cup Rice Vinegar

1 Tbsp Sugar

1/4 cup Red Bell Pepper

1/2 tsp Onion Powder

1/2 tsp Salt

1/2 tsp Pepper

1/2 tsp Paprika

Boil the potatoes with the skins on until done. Boil the eggs until done. Cut up the potatoes and eggs. Cut the bell pepper into small pieces. Mix potatoes,eggs & peppers. Mix mayonnaise, vinegar, spices & sugar into potatoes, eggs & peppers. That is it. You can also substitute green bell pepper, pickle relish or anything else you may desire.



 

Here are another couple pics of the twins:

Fuzzy





Wuzzy

Today is also the  2nd month angelversary for Lolly Pop Kid. We all miss him so much. I had a knock at the door today and it was Mormon missionaries. They gave me a card with a illustration of Jesus and on the back of the card it said, "Faith in Christ can help you resolve personal and family challenges.

God Just keeps knocking on our door.

Lolly Pop Kid we love you and miss you. We want you back.

And that is all I have to say about that.

Angel Tuesday

Today’s Angel Tuesday child is Ethan who became an Angel on July 26, 2008. He went to heaven because of a horrible drowning accident.

Ethan, a beautiful 6 year old with a smile that exudes radiant energy and a huge open-mouth laugh that delighted everyone. All that knew Ethan commented on his smile.

Ethan loved creating ships with Legos and playing with Star Wars toys. He loved tossing a football and listening to his Veggie Tales CD.

 

 

 

 

On what would have been Ethan's 7th Birthday his family held a Global Star Wars party where many people from all over the world watched the movie Star Wars.

Ethan just plain loved Star Wars.

Ethan is and will always be very much loved and missed by his family. His mom Lisa keeps a blog where she has written so beautifully about Ethan, her family’s loss and how they manage the “new normal.” Lisa is also a wonderful photographer as there are many poignant photos of Ethan and her family.

 

 

Please visit Hey Jude. Please keep this family in your prayers.

Please also remember our Angel Lolly Pop Kid.

Angel Tuesday

I had a lot of trouble starting this post. I am not sure why. Maybe because I wish I did not have to. I did not realize how many children die each day. To be honest it was not something I wanted to think about. Nobody does.

Today is seven weeks since Lolly Pop Kid became an angel.  Today is another Angelversary.

So I will try and bring a new child each week either an angel or a child with an illness. Please pray for these children and their families. Visit their blogs or sites and if possible leave a message.

The pain does not go away and it does not get better. It helps when people reach out.

Here is Lolly's memorial site.

 

I wish I could open the door and pick you up and hug away the tears.

I wish you could open the door and pick me up and hug away the tears.

We Have an Angel

I am writing this post to tell all that I probably won't be blogging for awhile.

On Tuesday my grandson, Lolly Pop Kid went to heaven. It was very sudden and unexpected. Our hearts are broken. We miss him so much. If you wish please say a prayer for his mommie, Cinderalla, his daddy, Tango and his sister Butterfly.

And that's all I have to say about that...

Rest in Peace our sweet Angel